年轻的花朵

白云很苍白 

大朵大朵在头顶迅速移动的是太阳投下的巨大阴影 

我的心？ 

没有方向感 

走在街头 

和这个城市的疏离感徒然增加 

快步前行

而不用看两旁

这是一个躁热的夏天 

我说的话你都不能意会

因此 

沮丧。 

流下的泪干涸蒸发过的心伤 

淡淡的气味 

在手心被揉搓成过往。 

这年夏天 

我因为你而成长。

我很久都没有来YCUL了~~~有些神伤，我常去百度空间更新BLOG，却不再来YCUL，这里曾经记录了我上大学时的很多过往，不再翻开，不是打算在忘记，是承受不了过去~~~~

想逃避，知道有些事情是过去的，有些事情是现在正在开始的。虽是年轻的花朵。可是这里不来打理，已像是长了草的园子，这个园丁转行做了办公室女郎，那些细致微茫的心情早已不见踪迹，生活在物欲的包裹之下，MS的满足~~其实只是杂草长了一地~~~

这样这样~~~~

冰糖桔子说：花未开全，月未圆。
我说：雨未下央，人未眠。

干燥的风`````高远的天空。
远处山的轮廓，一切都是刚刚好的样子。工作已有近一年的时间。却一点点的感觉到了寂寞。身边的人还是那个人，工作却换了两趟，北京还是那个城市，心情却换了三个季节。

这寂寞的感觉不知是不是随着秋天的到来随之来的。并不容易被洞察，像是坏了的水龙头滴的水，缓慢持续，等到一水池都是水后会发现龙头坏了，让我一时间不知所措，我已经很久没有这样的感觉：张开嘴不知该说什么话，举起来的手不知该伸向什么方向，像被倒空了的玻璃杯，透明的容器其实是深不可测的寂寞心情，寂寞真的是没有人懂的姿势吗？天晴的日子越来越多，发呆的时间慢慢变长。心里一点点的被黯然侵袭，我很想爸妈，很想窝在他们身边当乖乖女，很想自己能安安静静的一些日子。


北京繁华的车水马龙，在我转身离开后一样不会是灰飞烟灭，我的寂寞也不会在平息后的日子那么轻易逝去。

日光明亮。
这些天北京晴朗，秋天的光线没有夏天那么暧昧，干燥的日光打在脸上直接激烈。

早上看到一个老外骑着哈雷从身边稳稳的开过。他吸引我的不是他的车，是他笑容，独自开着车着也会笑着，洁白的牙齿，阳光下无私绽放的笑容特别迷人。呵呵`````看到这样明媚的笑脸我的心情也了出奇的好起来。笑容是一个生动的可以感染所有的人动作，

我也要给别人一个像秋天般明媚的笑脸。：）
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

星期二了。
今天其实是一个值 得记念的日子。因为到新公司后和同事一起策划的新产品终于上市了。
从只是一个念头开始，设计LOGO、包装的订制作、标签、宣传品、印刷名片、订制作印公司LOGO的包包。终于这个产品在今天摆在了北京的某些烟店。呵呵```虽然只是部分商店有售，虽然只是一个全新的产品，虽然没有太精美的包装，虽然只是合适部分人用的产品，虽然没有太过于在媒体上宣传，有太多的虽然，也有太多的不足，但对于我来说我做了人生中的很多第一次的事情。

呵呵``比如包装这个事情，就买了一些书看了关于印刷方面的知识，用两个星期去恶补，知道了铜版纸和白卡的区别，知道多少克的纸合适印刷什么，知道如何去判别一个印刷品的好坏```呵呵```还有和供应商的沟通及谈判的技巧，还了解了一些关于采购方面的知识，学着和人如何认真的谈价钱，以前都是随便的砍价的，这认真的态度让我感觉自己像个大人，呵呵``这话说的，其实已经是大人了，只是心里有时会隐隐不原承认。觉得成长是一件很累的事情`````

今天老板同样很高兴```走路的样子轻轻的，说话的表情笑笑的`````老板人一直很好，像叔叔一样（怎么这感觉 ？）呵呵```晚上去后海吃客家菜，老板说的，位子订好了````和所 有的同事一起去，还要划船```这有说法的吧？一帆风顺？？？

呵呵```真的挺 高兴的。很有成就感。希望公司能有好的发展，因为我喜欢现在的工作。
工作？是什么。对于我的现在来说就是：轻松的心情，认真的态度！

 不知现在重新开始写字算不算一个新的开始？
离开百度了仍和百度藕断丝连``呵呵```在百度上又申请了一个新的空间。我有两个BLOG了````像我的家一样，越来越多的家。

地址链如下

hi.baidu.com/ccdymaa

千里之外。

JAY的新歌与费玉清一起唱的。第一次听到这歌时我心里隐隐的绞痛起来。好像这歌声丝丝线线缠着我的心一样，小哥的声音像唱歌剧的男高音，有纤细的妩媚。却也温文婉转```
 这莫名的让我感觉起80年代的岁月来了。我对80年代的时光并没有任何的感觉，那时我仅仅在过着没心没肺的童年，却不知为什么，感觉 80年代应该有火热的激情加夹淡淡的忧伤````

心里也会放起小电影 ，黑白的没有声音的电影 ，只有人形单支，用眼神表达内心所有的寂寞。

我想起了她。
她生了孩子。孩子的父亲曾是我青春年少的第一个男人。她，曾是我青春年少最好的朋友 。而他们在我青春年少的时候一起背叛了我，曾经有一两年的时间不是没有恨过她和他的，每一次提起都会感觉心疼，有时也会气的发抖。

先是很恨她。后来渐渐的明白过来，女人的感情永远比男人坚固，继而转来恨他。时常会想起那个有长长头发的女孩骑着自行车像风一样野野的穿过小巷来寻我，大声叫着我的名字的她。想起我们高中时明亮的笑容。一起上学一起回家。把一切心事对彼此说。这单纯的没有风吹草动的岁月就这样随着他们的背叛一起烟消云散。

就在一夜之间，两个孩子怒目相对，成为怨敌，这感情的变故让我的17岁一夜间失去。我好像一下子洞悉的爱情的真相，痛不欲生。这是多么残酷的变故，她就这样硬生生的伤我于不顾。也曾哭闹过置自己的自尊于脚底，只想能和他在一起，两个女孩为了一个男人已反目，而那个男却那么懦弱任我和她这样互相伤害直到我黯然离开```我离开，只是因为到最后我觉得这个男人不值得我再伤害我自己和她。任她去吧`````

后来上了大学``偶然的见面。没有话说，好像从来都没有认识过对方，我们的眼神都不再是透明的了。大学后零星听到她和他的消息，分手，吵架````合好，反反复复。与我无关。
再后来。5年过去了。去年他们结婚。我在北京，没有任何想法，就算有祝福也只是无言。因为她都没有想让我知道他们结婚的消息，我心里早已释然，是她心里还放不下么？是他心里还不有不清楚么？不知道。

5号她生了孩子。一个男孩。8斤多的胖小子。呵呵````` 她是我身边的同学最早一个生小孩的女子，一下子大家的身份又有了不同，她已初为人母````心境可能已与从前不同。几年都没有消息，可能她早已记不起我。
但是不管如何`````我们曾一起度过了最为美好的青春年少。虽然那些日子离我们已有千里之外。

仅以此。怀念。

写不出一个字来了。

有些感伤。

我已经算是在一个真正处在社会中的人了吧？以前只是零星的打工，然后上学，周而复始在复杂与单纯之间，而现在，我已经算是社会中的人了吧？我问我自己是不是喜欢现在的生活？

以前在学校的时候总是想着自己什么时候能真正的独立起来。不用每次回家问爸妈要钱，喜欢什么买什么。

现在我实现了这样的生活了。花自己的赚的钱，真正是喜欢什么买什么，

但是总感觉 又缺点什么。

北京 真是一个物质城市。你想要的，以前见过的，没见过的这里都有，只有你有钱，物质世界里所有的得到都是易如反掌。

但是呢？我现在没有时间静下心来想想自己的内心的变化。从学校出来到适应这个社会的所有内心变化，我都忽略了，好像只有在早起晚归下班的公交车上才能感觉到自己。一天大部分时间交给了工作，交给了与人打交道，与电脑打交道，交给了一种 看似有成就感，貌似自己在一点点成熟的时间 里。

   一个成年人的应该面对的就是失去自由的生活。是吗？

我在想什么？
我想要的纯真年代。

桌上的植物有了新的叶子```

我的心里又长出什么新鲜？？